The last poem for ZV

We shed tears
to erase our tracks...
but love was a promise
that I wont take back.
To me you are a spiritual leader
fallen off your path,
and it hurts to believe
that I'm to blame for that.
So I sulk more and more
by the day, too exhausted to explain
as a roadblock to your happiness
is not my intended place,
it's just here I seem to lay,
blank look on my face
begging for forgiveness
for the cruel words that I say.
I want more than happiness
to dissipate, silently erase
myself from this state.
Goodbye, well wishes, love
...and a longing to bring light.
I'm sorry that it took so long
to do what must be right.

Light on in the stream of consciousness

The advice seemed like it came from a place of positive intentions, but every lingering breath of her explanation led way to further expectations and I have never made promises without first putting them to light and first justifying what was wrong before blessing what was right.

My own exhaustion speaks to me in dreams marked with complex suggestions, perhaps I am denying my self the will to learn these lessons. And my feet drag along a path that I have made simply to suggest that I was joking when I said I had any self respect.

And I regret to inform you that I was bred from neglect, light shed on my broken heart what words could not express. And I am not done yet, not satisfied, not content. I haven't seen enough to make my next movement.

Please, forgive me, for my speech. I never was fond of editing, quite good at forgetting purpose and content. But I'm hoping you can follow me through my caves of vagueness, see the theatrical performance my words make on these pages. And one day you may come to me, smile on your face and exclaim in ecstacy 'I just got what you were saying'.

We can't be so serious about ourselves because we're smaller than the biggest picture that we've ever held, but our influence is far greater than any physical body, understand this gesture: if you need a friend, you've got me. But please understand you must do the same for someone else, reach out when you see someone who needs help.

Of course this all contradicts the world I am in conflict with. That's why I take my denial and aim it at her lips in the form of angery suggestions that she is just a little kid, lost in an emotional rollercoaster that's broken and can't be fixed. And I leave again, playing pissed, knowing all the while she just clenches her fist and calmly decides to put up with it.